We Fall and We Rise Again...

My mother told me while growing up everything happens for a reason. I was baptized Roman Catholic. God has a plan in everything he does for us. My life has been a roller coaster; But then again everyone has their ups and downs. No two lives are alike, We are all on our own individual journey.

Death leaves a heartache no one can fix. That moment you realize that your loved one is gone, and there is nothing that change it. My life changed forever on April 27th, 2015. That day was the day he left this earth and earned his angel wings. My loving husband Nathan passed away. I'll never forget the moment I woke up and within that moment my life changed forever. During the hustle of the day, and the turmoil, Nathan was gone and there was nothing I can do; nothing will ever be the same, my normal was gone. Eventually I will find a new normal, but it will never be the same.

That moment etched in my mind when I knew he was gone, gone forever. We had a life planned, a family to raise. Collectively we had 8 children. He had 5 when we got together, I had 1 child. We had 2 children together. We had a surprise child, our miracle, I was 30 weeks pregnant when their dad left this earth forever. 

Life is not easy after a loss. Everyone grieves differently, and no one can tell you to stop grieving. Death effects everyone differently. The grief you feel is different from losing a spouse to losing a child. There is no time limit on grieving. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for grieving. 

Normal will never be the same. Your life will be turned upside down. But you will feel like your falling, but you will rise again...Stronger then ever...With fire inside you.

A little surprise....

A little surprise entered our lives in December of 2014. Our family was going through a lot. Many family issues plagued us. But in the end it made us a stronger family. There's no other way to say the surprise but to just say it.

I found out I was pregnant. Yes, I found out I was pregnant in December of 2014. After a family issue that caused me to realize my dreaded period was late.

When I brought the subject up to my amazing husband he was completely shocked that I could be pregnant. He concluded that my body was just under a lot of stress due to some health issues with our daughter, and that's why my period was late. After all I had the Essure procedure done in March of 2013, after our last child was born. So the thought I could actually be pregnant was hard to believe, but in reality it was true. My husband and I decided to wait out the month of November and wait till December to test.

The thought then left my mind within a few days. Life was going past us, and yet; inside my body unannounced to me there was a ball of dividing cells creating new life inside. Creating a child that would become a miracle. Life went on on the outside just as normal. Work, kids, bills, it's life, we all know how it goes and works.

Going into the month of December; again I realized my period was missing in action. So I again brought the subject back up to my husband. Who was shocked I brought the subject back up. His response?.... I thought you got your period? Really ? He was in complete utter shock. I waited till the next morning to test, too much going on the night before to test.

I walked in the bathroom that morning, put my little dollar store test on the counter and did my business. No need for gritty details there. Nervous, I was. I watched the test, I watched the test line appear, bright, bold. There it was on the test, 2 pink lines, indicating I was pregnant, with child. A life had formed inside of me. When I thought I could no longer do it.

Everything raced in our minds. What would we do? We were in no position to have another child. But the child was there growing inside of me.

The race was on to find out where this child was inside of me. Remember I had the Essure procedure done. And I will definitely write more on the logistics of that procedure in a later post. The following Monday I went to a local woman's center for an ultrasound to find out where this baby was inside of me. Unfortunately due to the Essure procedure they would not do the ultrasound of me and referred me to the emergency room. So, off I went. Made a few phones with little information to make sure the kids were taken care of while I would be there and my husband was at work. I stopped by my husbands work to talk to him, get support. Then I traveled to the hospital, checked in and waited...and waited...& unfortunately waited even more. Finally my name was called. We all know the emergency room routine.

When the ultrasound tech came in, they did their thing and finally I begged them, I couldn't wait any longer. I begged them to tell me, not to make me wait for the dr to analyze everything and then talk to me. She knew the pain in my eyes. She took a minute and thought, then proceeded to turn the screen towards me and smile. There's your baby hunnie, she said, perfect, happy and content right where he or she is supposed to be in your uterus. While she didn't tell me how far along I was, that's ok. I knew my baby was ok. The doctor finally came back to see me. She confirmed I was pregnant. She said I was about 10 weeks pregnant. 10 weeks, I thought. Oh my god, I really was pregnant. Everything made sense. Constant nausea, tiredness, everything your typical pregnancy comes with. The joys of pregnancy.

I called my husband to relay the news. He was shocked but happy. I was just waiting to be discharged. I wanted to be in my husbands arms more then ever. I needed his safe arms to wrap around me and tell me everything would be ok. That we would be ok. While we didn't know exactly what the future held for us; we knew it would involve one more precious child....

How do you go on?

Since I have gotten the ability back to get this blog going again; I come back to the question "How do you go on" Just continue to pick up the pieces of life and keep going. Over everything that has happened, I don't know how to do it, I just wing it. Or how do you even explain everything that has happened. Well you have to start somewhere...

As I sit here in this bed alone and reflect on everything that has happened lately; I am so much stronger then I thought. My mother always taught me "God doesn't give you more then you can handle". I didn't realize how hard it is to verbalize the words in my mind right now.

What I can say is that as my family goes on, we have had a birth, a death, and a separation of a family. We have survived many "1st" since then; but the big 1 year that started all of these is fast approaching.

My heart is racing as well as my mind. Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was, or maybe I'm stronger then I really thought....

So Long Ago

Hopefully this blog will finally be back in business. WOW, I just looked at the last post and Wow, over a year ago. Back in March of 2014. So much has changed. While so much is very significant in life, It will take time to get it all out. We have had births, deaths, separations. While no details now in this particular post. Please keep on the look out for what has been going on.

Cloth for All Campaign

Eleven years ago on June 9th, my life was changed for the better. My gorgeous, amazing and precocious daughter Rebecca was born. She has always been my inspiration, brings out the best in who I am, and without her insightful question “The Rebecca Foundation’s Cloth Diaper Closet” would have never been.

In celebration of Rebecca we are officially launching our Cloth for All campaign (#cloth4all) designed to break the stigma surrounding cloth diapers. Its purpose is to help teach the world one family at a time that today’s cloth diapers are simple, safe, and environmentally responsible not to mention “OH! So cute!”. We truly believe that regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, economical background or geographical location, anyone can cloth diaper.

We put the our team to work behind the scenes reaching out to some amazing companies that we wanted to do a HUGE giveaway celebration for the launch of our campaign and our brand new website. The immediate and overwhelming response from sponsors and bloggers was more than we expected. These amazing companies believed in what we are doing and were 100% on board for celebrating this event by providing some incredible gifts that we will happily pass along to you.

For this giveaway we will have 1 grand prize winner with a total estimated retail value of $1000.00. Be sure to follow this blog and The Rebecca Foundation’s Cloth Diaper Closet Facebook page for updates.

<3 Amanda La Bell
 Founder and Executive Director of The Rebecca Foundation's Cloth Diaper Closet

Entry-Form

Disclaimer:  This giveaway is open to the US and Canada only and to readers 18 or older please.  The winner will be emailed and will have 48 hours to claim their prize or another winner will be drawn.  The participating bloggers and TRFCDC are not responsible for prize fulfillment.  

5 Reasons Why I Choose to Cloth Diaper

When Hubs and I decided we wanted to make our family complete with one last child; I started researching money saving ideas for our new bundle of joy. I stumbled upon cloth diapers, I knew very little, but I was very interested. Once I read more and more; I was hooked on doing this for our child. I wish I would have cloth diapered Toddler A. Now, how was I was supposed to approach Hubs about this, HAHA, I just dove in and said "Hey, what do you think about cloth diapers?" I showed him some pictures and articles and he said "OK" OMG, Really it was that easy, I thought it was going to be hard to convince him, but it was way to easy.

When when we found out I was pregnant, and people said well start buying diapers now, and start stocking up, we said "No, thank you, We will be clothing diapering Baby M" Oh you should have seen the looks, and the comments. I remember when my niece came to visit, and we both changed our babes, and she said "I cannot believe you do that, its so gross" I said no its not, Baby M rarely gets a rash, and only leaks if i forget to change him ontime (Yes, sometimes it happens) I said how can you resist these cute prints. I wish I could have converted her, but she was dead set on them being gross, thats ok, but what do you think was on your mothers butt as a baby or me for that matter my dear, Yup, Grandma cloth diapered. Or what about 100 years ago...Yup cloth diapers...Now granted cloth diapering has changed from 100 years ago, when there was prefolds and little plastic pants, Oh how we have evolved :)

The #1 reason why I cloth diaper is the money savings aspect of it. Think about it really, It can cost over $1200 to disposable diaper your baby in just the 1st year alone. Now some kids are not fully potty trained until at least 3 years old, and possibly 4 years old. Do you know what I could do with $1200, yup, pay bills, or put it away for a rainy day...Nah, Id pay bills. So instead of wasting $7.00+ for a pack of diapers that may or may not last me a week, I choose not to, and use these adorable print cloth diapers that serve there purpose as a glorified poop catcher. 

The #2 reason why I choose to cloth diaper is less diaper rashes. Most cloth newbies don't realize that microfiber should not go against your babes skin, and that is where 90% of rashes come from In my opinion. Other times it could be the type of detergent you are using, or possibly not using enough detergent to wash them, so they aren't getting as clean as they should be. There are over a million reason why babies get rashes, but one thing I do know is Baby M rarely gets them. 

The #3 reason why I choose to cloth diaper is less waste. Yes, I am going green a lot lately. With having 5 kids, I do my best to be wise with all my choices, and I hate waste and trash. Do you know how long it takes for just ONE disposable diaper to decompose???? No one knows the exact answer, but it takes an estimated 250-500 years for just ONE disposable diaper to decompose!!!! That is insane, to think that all those diapers used on my 4 previous kids have not fully decomposed...EWWWWW

The #4 reason why I choose to cloth diapers is the fun adorable prints!!! Oh my, if you think it, its can be a print. From superhero prints to character prints to flowers or animals, the sky is the limits with cloth diapers, If you can dream it, it can be a cloth diaper print. Baby M's theme is Camo, you better believe we have one Its Kawaii Camo print. Hubs loves Superman, Yes, we have one of those too, it is a JC Trade. 

The #5 reason why I choose to cloth diaper is how versatile they are...Disposables are made one way, one fit, one cut style. But wait, Not every baby is the same size. With cloth diapers, sometimes you will try several types and not all fit each baby the same. There are AIO's (all in ones) which is like a disposable, but not. There are fitted diapers, Pocket diapers, AI2's, Hybrids, Covers and prefolds. You will find what works for you and your baby the best. My stash consists, of pockets mostly. Some fitteds, I have 1 AIO, and some prefolds and covers. I used to hate pockets, but I have grown to love them. In the beginning we used prefolds and covers. I generally trifolded the prefold, now if i use them, i doeither a jelly roll fold or the angel wing i think its called. 

There are 5 reasons why I cloth diaper Baby M. I have tons more reasons, but those are my top 5 reasons. 

Here is Toddler A and Baby M. He is sporting a Thirsties Duo Diaper in this picture. Its not the one I want to show off, but Facebook is driving me crazy looking for the exact picture I want to show.

Explanation for lack of posting....And upcoming posts....

Here is my other reason besides being tired for not blogging a lot and yes, that is changing, but here it is...

Yes, that is my entertainment center. Excuse the mess. But do you see how the laptop and TV have the exact same screen on them??? Yes, our laptop is hooked up to the TV, and that's how we watch movies or TV shows. We do not pay for cable. We have access to Hulu Plus and sometimes streaming from other site. So its a huge pain in the rear to disconnect everything and pull it down along with the cooling pad. Then when I'm done blogging i have to put it back up there and reconnect everything, plus restarting the laptop, or else the laptop screen will not display on the TV. Yup big pain in the butt....But right now its not in the cards to get another computer right now. 

Now of course the kids don't really play a major part of why i don't blog all the time. But Yes, it is much easier to blog after they go to bed. The house is quiet and I play Pandora on my phone, while I sit on the couch and blog. Its kinda of soothing.

I have a few upcoming blog posts. One of them being my monthly volunteer hours for The Rebecca Foundation. Which will be titled "Why I choose to Cloth Diaper", another post is going to re-visit Family Routines, I know ours has changed since the last time I wrote about ours. And I would like to do a post focusing on our family, being hubs and the kids. Maybe even a "How we met post" Haven't quite decided just yet, how i will work that one. And I am still working on the 2nd Chapter of Mr Max's life :) 

Ok, its late, and I got 2 blog posts in tonight, time to relax and watch a movie and wait for Hubs to come home from work, and I have work in the morning